Life

Kanye and Religion: Why Kanye Can Be Good, but Not THAT Good.

Earlier today, Kim Kardashian-West announced the name of her baby boy: Saint West. Not too surprising, however, considering how the family has a penchant for shock, awe, and religious labels. This is just another foul against the religious the community…or is it?

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Celebrity Juice

Saturday Night Live: Brown Skin Not Enough

I have been watching Saturday night live since Will Ferrell graced us with his top tier cowbell skills:

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I have seen cast members come and go, and cried my eyes out when Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph and Amy Poehler said their farewells. I enjoy the vanilla variety of comedians on the show, and the way they connect with current events and the ever changing trends of pop culture makes me tune in every Saturday (meaning I watch it a few days later on Hulu). But when I watch SNL, and I see the best Good Burger employee ever, Keenan Thompson, doing an impression of Oprah, I wondered when will black women get a chance to shine on SNL. And this season, Leslie Jones and Sasheer Zamata got their chance.

YES! Black women that are going to be funny, not racially ambiguous, and dark skinned with natural hair (for the most part). When I saw them on screen I was ecstatic…but then as I watched them perform, my excitement fell flat. Now, I am not a comedian, but I am totally a critic of things I cannot do. They weren’t funny. When I tuned in for the SNL 40th season premiere, and the episodes that followed, their time on screen didn’t make me laugh. Not even a giggle. With Leslie being extremely loud and aggressive during her weekend update skit, and Sasheer’s terrible Rihanna impression, I have been disappointed. 

I don’t know if the writers aren’t creating characters that will highlight the comedienne’s knack for comedy, or if they just aren’t delivering their lines in a way that really gets the audience laughing, but they are the least funniest cast members of this season. (Including Jay Pharoah, impersonations can only get you so far). There are YouTube vloggers funnier than these two. Hopefully, next season, their skits are better or they find some black women that are actually hilarious. I understand the public outcry that was circling around the SNL crew to bring in some females of color, but really, this is what we get? Try again SNL, you’re almost there. (Actually you aren’t, you have about one black person in general on your show each season, and like 3 black women since the show began. Get it together).

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Celebrity Juice

I-g-g-y’s Face (Version 2.0)

“Revamp, Re-do and Recreate! MAGIC” that is what all plastic surgeons say to celebrities in my mind. I wonder why young celebrities get plastic surgery. I think she was a beautiful girl without it. I promised to be a nicer blogger and stop talking mess about celebs, so I’ll just say that she looks very chiseled. Her jaw looks sturdy, she looks like that toy bird back in the day that you could balance on your finger by its beak and it wouldn’t fall. Her face looks very strong. Very firm. There.

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Life

Talking With Stangers in Cafes

…is totally safe. Trust me, I have been talking to strangers since I have been able to speak my first word (Beyonce), and I haven’t been kidnapped once. I don’t understand what all the hubbity bubbity is about. They have great advice, they’re all smiles, and are just trying to enjoy their half-caf on the rocks like the rest of the city folk.

Yesterday I talked with a nice man named Ted from Brooklyn. He was maybe between 35-79 years old (i’m not great with ages), and he gave me a good lesson on why the prices of houses have been going up, and that everyone in Marin County is yuppy scum. Thanks Ted!

I also ran into a nice old Iranian man, who came to USA to get a nice warm slice of the American pie. He asked me, after buying me coffee, if I could teach him English. Hmm, moderately creepy. I can’t even speak the English well me myself. Well, I said “SURE OF COURSE”, but no, I don’t want. Welcome to America old friend!

There’s a guy that sits by the window and creates postcards. His name is Leo, and he is the best postcard maker this side of California. While sitting down intensely drawing a restaurant on the side of a highway, an old friend of his saunters into the cafe. He says to Leo, “Hey! Michelangelo! How’s it going?!”, to which Leo responded, rather aggressively, “How come you never get my name correct?! My name is LEO! Not Michelangelo!”. I don’t think he understood the compliment his friend was giving.

I highly encourage you to sit at a cafe that’s close to your job or home or the box you live out of on mission street, and just watch. I love love love it.

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Life

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

Getting back into blogging is so annoying.

I have been tied up (not like that, you dirty animals), with work and school and living an A-List lifestyle, that I have completely had zero urge to blog. Looking at my blog you may notice I jump in and out of being serious and posting something once a month. Through it all, this old dusty thing has been up for a couple of years; and still getting a shocking FOUR VIEWS a day. I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious. I would like to be a more serious blogger and write about the hard hitting issues, but I just don’t care about a lot of them long enough. Looking through my blog I have some embarrassing posts, I would like to delete them but it shows growth. From a peasant to a princess to a mutha f*ckin queen. I’m still a peasant, I just wanted to mildly quote Kendrick Lamar.

All jokes aside, I will be blogging about more mature topics, such as:

The coolest sippy cups

The latest monster high dolls

Will Heelys make a comeback?

And things of that nature. I still check my stats and see that you idiots are still reading this terrible crap so thank you, thank you all.

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Celebrity Juice, Fashion, Style

White People and “GHETTO” Fashion.

Once again, ghetto style is cool everywhere besides the ghetto. Designer Jean Ratatouille apparently had a grand old idea to name one of his “looks”, in his APC clothing line, after the Jay-z and Kanye West song entitled, “Niggas in Paris”.  He actually changed it a little, adding “Last Niggas in Paris”. (Please note that I did not replace any letters in the word “nigga” with any asterisks because I am black, I do not need permission, or a pass, to say/write the word “nigga”in its entirety.)

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Life

Where Have I Been, You Ask?

Surprisingly enough, people still read this crap. Scrolling through my blog posts of yester year is like looking through old Myspace photos. At the time, that hot topic shirt with Optimus Prime on it, and those Kanye West “stronger” sunglasses looked good, but it was actually a terrible, cringeworthy mistake.

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