Movies

Movie Review: The Conjuring *mini spoilers!*

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I know I was supposed to write this yesterday, but shut up you don’t know my life I have sh*t do. Lets jump on in it though!

This movie had me like this the whole time: tumblr_inline_mqh7hcg2ui1qcodlc

ESPECIALLY due to the fact that I was an Idiot and Googled the movie and found out it was based on a true story. The main characters Ed & Lorraine Warren were based off the lives of the paranormal investigators, with the same names of course. They are the wonderful people that brought us the foundations for movies such as ” The Amityville Horror” &  “The Haunting In Connecticut”. Those movies were based off of their real life experience with evil spirits. Can we say, WTF?!

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This isn’t your typical scary movie. Well maybe it is, how should I know I’m not a movie critic. HOWEVER, I will say this..it scared the tears right out of my eyes. It starts off with your normal family moving into this creepy a$s house only white people find amazing, and then this crazy B (that’s hanging behind Ed Warren played by Patrick Wilson in the gif above) starts playing games. She torments the children, tries to get inside the mom and then chaos ensues. It has a kind of slow build up but as soon as the dog died I knew something was up. Animals & Children always know something we don’t. If I had a kid and my kid started staring and talking to an “imaginary friend” it’s time to pack up and leave, we don’t have time for some one to come and “bless the house”. Get the PlayStation & the T.V and let’s bounce!

Things start happening, people start smelling things, clocks start stopping, sheets start taking bodily forms, people are hunched on-top of armoires. It was so much scary that I almost broke my husband’s arm holding on to him so tight. And it’s not that “just because” kind of scary. Everything that happens in this movie was for a reason. There was nothing out of place, like the time that goat from the movie “Drag me to hell” had a demon inside him, seriously though.. that was dumb.

goat

Here are some pictures to jump start your fear:

The real Ed & Lorraine Warren

The real Ed & Lorraine Warren

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The haunted Anabelle doll in real life

The doll in the movie

The doll in the movie.

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Life, Movies

Movie Review: Sinister

I know I’m a little late seeing as it came out on October 5th, but I wanted to share with you guys a movie that almost made me curl up in a ball and pray to the gods for savior.

I LOVE a good scary movie. A movie so good it gives me chills and makes me wish the movie was over already so I won’t be on the edge of my seat any more. This is that movie.

I wont spoil it for you, but the first scene will keep you hooked until the last one. Ellison Oswalt (played by Ethan Hawke) is a true crime author who moves to a new neighborhood where a murder has occurred in order to get more information on what happened. He plans to use what he finds to solve the crime and write a book. During all this, he finds some lost footage and… WELL see the movie!!

Go see it if you like to scream and pee your pants.

Don’t go see it if you don’t like to do any of those things.

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Movies

Movies: JoJo’s Movie Picks

I spent an entire hour watching movie trailers on Hulu.com and I saw some that look pretty dope. Here they are!

Red Lights: This one looks very suspenseful and I love movies like this. Robert Dinero is so menacing, I’m scared just looking at him.

Celeste & Jesse Forever: Tugs at my heart strings.

Sinister: Did you, or did you not just pee in your pants?

The Master: Joaquin Phoenix is back ladies and gentleman!! This trailer doesn’t offer much story line but it’s so mysterious!

Savages: Drugs, sex and violence. OKAY!

Hotel Transylvania: Get ready to laugh because this looks hilarious!

Wreck-It-Ralph: The story line is so creative, how could you not want to see this movie!

Django Unchained: Anything that has the dude from Inglorious Basterds in it will be awesome.




There’s my movie list I hope you guys saw something you liked!

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Movies

Movies: Snow White & The Huntsman

Yaaaawwn till the good parts.  This is an entirely different take on the Snow White I was brought up on, grant it im pretty sure the first Snow White was alive during the great depression era. I will not offer any of you spoilers (I think) but I will tell you that there is some sort of acid trips going on in the movie, so whatever drugs you decide to take before hand, just don’t.

 

I pretty much enjoyed this movie. It’s dark, envokes feeling, and makes me want to watch ALL of Charlize Therons’ movies because she kills it in this one. Out of Kristen Stewart (Snow White), Chris Hemsworth (Huntsman), and Charlize Theron (Evil Queen), Charlize snatched the entire movie. When I say snatched I mean not only did she steal the scenes, if the screen wasn’t on her I was more focused on my ice cream.
While the remake was worth watching, it was all a little too slow for me. The dwarfs came in really late and before that it kind of dragged on in circles, like this:
Evil Queen: I’m going to get you, me and my brother.
Snow White: No you’re not.
Huntsman: I don’t know if I should help.
Pretty much at the middle/end mark is where things get really crunk. I mean there were beautiful animals popping up from out of no where, great fight scenes, reunited love, gowns made of bats and the dwarfs! I give this movie a B, if it wasn’t for Charlize it would be a C-.
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Life, Movies, Random

Why Can’t We Be Great.

Can we get some Hollywood stardom and a couple of awards for our all black casts please and thank you! I can’t keep worrying about the problems of Madea’s never ending family. I was done when that black woman was mad. Tyler Perry stop it. We appreciate you but please stop. T.D Jakes you too.When is the last time you saw an all black cast horror movie?(not one that’s straight to dvd either.) Or an all black musical movie? Or an all black drama (not including For Colored Girls) that was highly received on the big screen? Why can’t we do movies like The Notebook, Black Swan or a super-hero movie that doesn’t include a “move b*tch get out the way” theme song. Where is our greatness?! Don’t get me started on our one shot at a Disney movie and we blew it by being a freakin lilly pad hopper for almost 2 hours.

What a giant leap Disney, Thank you for our moment.
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